You know, you hear a lot about mommy wars and about women being competitive, judgey and even mean.
You hear that women fight over cloth diapers or disposable, co-sleeping or crying it out.
You hear that we are constantly trying to one up each other with the birthday parties we throw or the pictures of our living rooms that we post on instagram.
But I’m calling it. I’m saying – nuh uh. I’m going to insist that this is just another thing that’s been grown to ridiculous proportions by social media, by giving it a title, a label, and by marketers who just want to make us cry at the one commercial who has moms supporting each other.
Because here’s what I know for sure, the moms I know, they support each other all the time. The moms I see, they have no hesitation about giving a high-five or a you’re-doing-amazing to the people around them.
The moms I see don’t care what kind of diapers you use or how many sports your kids play, they care that your child is loved and well taken care of and trust that you’re doing the very best you can with what you have.
The moms I see aren’t judging your family all cozied up in jammies in your gorgeous living room or your runny nosed toddler in the same jammies along with gum boots and their blankie at the grocery store.
They’re just not.
Instead, they’re looking at that photo of your family in your home enjoying one another and their hearts are bursting right alongside yours because they can see just how stinkin’ much you love those babies.
And they see that runny nose and the gum boots and the paci that this child simply is never going to give up and they aren’t condemning, they’re seeing gorgeous big blue eyes and the corners of a smiling mouth creeping beyond the lines of that soother and they’re smiling because – CUTE!
I posted something on Facebook today that I thought for a few minutes about before I did. I asked for advice on what to do with my child who has had a lingering cough for several weeks now.
I know this may not seem like a big deal but I was hesitant. I was hesitant because I’ve heard the term mommy wars and I’ve read articles about judgemental and rude moms. It made me think for a second that maybe people would judge my mothering by the fact that I can’t help my child kick a stupid cough. I had sentences in my head like, “Wow, mother of the year there! She certainly must not be feeding him/dressing him/resting him/essential oiling him right.” Or other thoughts of, “I can’t believe she used pharmaceuticals,” or “I can’t believe she didn’t use more pharmaceuticals.”
I basically conjured up every thought that NOBODY OUT THERE WAS THINKING!
Know how I know?
Because the moms I know were quick to respond with words like, you’re doing great, and just so you know this is happening a lot. They came to my rescue with suggestions like, such and such has worked well for us but most importantly I hope your boy feels better really soon. The moms I know came forth in leaps and bounds with love. They came forth with advice and suggestions that didn’t ever have a judgemental tone but one of, “Oh my goodness, I wish I could help! Here’s what I know and maybe, just maybe it will?!”
I got private messages that were basically a touch on my shoulder, a stroke to my hair and a great big hug to my soul. I got messages asking how I was. How I was?!
You know why?
Because Moms aren’t out for war. We just aren’t.
We are encouragers and lovers and the ones who declare – you can do this!
We are high-fivers and good-job’rs and the ones who remind each other that we will get through whatever we’re in right now and just so you know, you’re doing great!
We are carers and we are sharers. Got a headache? I’ll be right over with whatever thing I think helps headaches. Can’t get your kids to school today? I can grab them, no problem at all. Heard of oregano oil? Let me tell you all the ways it has helped us and then you decide if it’s right for you. Need a new doctor? Mines amazing. You should see her.
And it is most certainly not because we’re aggressive know-it-all’s!
It’s because we love each other and want what’s best for each other and sharing information and offering encouragement and letting each other know what we would do in the situation are just a few ways we can do that.
I didn’t feel one bit judged by the moms in my tribe today. Not one bit.
Instead they showed me that women, friends, other moms – they’re there when you need ’em. They show up when you ask. They care about all of your munchkins almost as much as you do and they want to help.
If this is the kind of mommy wars we’re talking about? A battle of, “I’ll take care of you and how can I help,” proportions? I say, bring it.
Otherwise, let’s stomp that label into the ground and show the world what we really are!