What I Need vs. What I Think I Need

photo 2
I miss you and love you and totally stole this photo from your husband!

Though it doesn’t matter, I want to tell you that she has beautiful olive skin and rich dark hair to accompany it.  Her smile is warm and true and her laugh quick to come but what I love the most is when she looks at you and is about to say something.  Because she’s a thinker and a processor you can see something special going on before she’s about to speak.  She’s wise beyond her years and I suspect she always has been though I’ve only known her for the last 20.  She’s gorgeous in the way that no one wants a friend to be because she always looks better than you in photos.  But she doesn’t know it or see it in herself.  She cringes when you say so, so you say so all the time.

She’s the friend I need.  She’s the friend everyone needs but I’m hesitant to share her because I don’t want you to take up all of her time.  And you would.  Because you’d want to be with her all the time, just like I do.

You’d want to be with her because you know she never lies to you.  She never tells you the things you want to hear but states, sometimes softly and sometimes not, exactly the things you need to.  When she speaks I listen because I would be a fool not to.

When I told her all about what was going on in our lives as of late, when I touched on some of the struggles and just stuff that we’ve been dealing with in a semi-whiney tone, I half expected her to show up beside me and stroke my hair and say that she understands.

Why?  I don’t know.  Because stroking and touch in general is not our thing and she lives across the world so she was no more going to be in my kitchen than Alf was ever going to make it back to Melmac.

I probably felt it because it’s what I thought I needed.  I assure you there are plenty of things I think I need.

I think I need people to understand what I’m going through and feel sorry for me.  I think I need more material objects than I do.  I think I need encouragement on every angle.  I think I need for life to hand things to me on a silver platter because I pray.  I think I need my children to behave better than any other teenager because they’re mine.  I think I need to be forgiven for anything I’ve ever done to hurt any  one else but am hesitant to offer the same to those who have hurt me.  I think I need God to show me what He’s doing in my life at every given second, a delorian in my mind that can shuttle me forward to  see any year in advance that I want.  Y’know, so I know the why’s of it all.  I think I need organic and chia and no preservatives to prolong my life, though He’s numbered my days already.  I think I need a husband who gets everything that is always going on in my brain without me having to say it.  Because sometimes I need him to bring me chocolate and other days I swear he’s just trying to make me fat.  I think I deserve more than I do.

Here’s what I really need.  I need a friend to tell me that I don’t need to decipher if God is doing these things or if Satan is trying to stop us. I don’t need ridiculous answers that come in the form of inspirational words beautifully scrolled atop photos of mountain tops or raging rivers.  (as an aside have you ever read those things on pinterest and actually tried to decipher what on earth it is they’re trying to say?  I tried.  They all say absolutely nothing but blah-blah-blah)   I need a friend who says, “Look, we sold all of our stuff to move to Hawaii and we ended up in Ireland.”  As Missionaries.  Who’s the joke on now?  I need a friend who says, I’m not here to be all sensitive and mushy with you but to tell you that this is life and sometimes life is crap but just get on with it and God will figure it all out.  You won’t.  You never have and you never will.

And she might even follow it up with, “Too insensitive?”  If she’s feeling particularly kind.

I need her in my life because she’s right.  She didn’t throw a verse at me and tell me it’s all going to be okay.  She didn’t placate me by telling me she was going to pray for me and then not.  (By the way, did you know that less than 3% of the people who say that to you actually pray.  It’s true.  There’s a study.)  And best of all she didn’t pander to my whiny ways of needing to know all things.  Instead, she hit me with the truth because the truth is what I really need.  And it’s what you really need.

Why am I telling you this?  Truth is, I don’t really know.  Except maybe to say that you should find a friend who will tell you the truth too because it helps to snap you out of your introspective nonsense and get on with Today.  Because there’s work to be done Today.  And God has plans for your Today.  And no amount of hypothetical situations, no is this God or is this Satan, will help you figure out your Today.

Cause it’s all His and it’s all in His plans and no amount of your own planning or preparation will get you to Hawaii if He wants you to be in Ireland, y’know?


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