It’s a beautiful Sunday morning and I’m typing to you with bare feet and hair still wet from the shower. The sunshine on my face is glorious, as is the mess from last nights dinner with friends. We went to bed late avoiding most of the mess and we slept in and traipsed straight outside to avoid it again.
Of course, I’m an adult and I’ve learned that avoiding the mess isn’t going to make it go away. I can no longer sneakily brush the crumbs off the table onto the floor so that Mom will have to swoop in and clean them up. Because I’m the Mom now and the sneaking is all aimed towards my having to do it.
I’ll be honest with you and say I have nothing much to say this morning and yet so many disconnected thoughts streaming through my brain. I like to assume this is how you operate too. So many things to say and not sure how to get them all out?
Truth is I haven’t been able to connect any points to get them down in type lately. I’ve got roughly 87 blog posts started and none of them finished. I have approximately 17 bajillion ideas in my head but exactly zero ways to wrap it all up in a pretty post and lay it out for you here. I’m finding that the more people I know are reading this little place of mine the more I think I have to do it a certain way. Like I owe you clearer ideas, better thought out ways, beginning and endings to stories and not just jaggedy starts with ‘I’ll get back to you laters’ on how it ends up. Maybe even a pretty bow tied on top.
But let’s be honest, my life is not really a picture of clear thoughts, destinations and pretty bows. It’s not the gathering place for happily tied up stories and advice on how to do things well. Instead I feel more like the grab bags that use to entice me at the candy store as a kid. 50 cents and you never know what you’re going to get. The thrill of the surprise was what drew me in, the logic behind not being able to choose your own candy was what scared me away. In typical Rhonda fashion I would get them about half the time. Because sometimes you need the anticipation and sometimes you just really don’t want squishy strawberry marshmallows.
Here’s what I know about myself. I change my mind. I hold my own opinions loosely because God knows that just when I decided that I’ve placed a stake in the ground on not wearing coloured jeans, I’m won over and I have to admit I was wrong.
It’s just one of the ways God keeps me humble. I think it’s his way of messing with me. I’m pretty sure it’s hilarious to watch and even now I’m learning that it’s kind of hilarious from my vantage point.
I might as well just tell you right now that my so-close-to-being -a-teenager-he-can-taste-it, middle child just asked if he could have pizza and rootbeer for breakfast and I said yes. I’m quite sure I would have judged parents of teens who didn’t make their child eat a balanced breakfast – UNTIL I HAD A TEENAGER! Now pizza and root beer sounded about right for the morning because sometimes you just have to stop saying no to your teens and give them a yes that really doesn’t matter.
Moral of the story? I don’t know. Maybe that we can’t know until we’re in it. Maybe that whole walking a mile in someones shoe thing. Maybe just that I don’t have any answers and I need you to know that’s just the way it is.
I do know that I write best when I allow my heart and head to process what’s actually in there – pretty bow or hurricane. It’s why I started this little spot on the internet to begin with and it’s where I need to get back to. To process with pencil and paper or fingers and keyboard and to allow myself the freedom to not be right and not even know where it’s going but to live the journey alongside you guys without worrying about having 3 perfect points, a good tie in story, humour in just the right spot and a conclusion that brings tears to your eyes and has you nodding along with me.
I’ve never loved just a pretty package. In fact, more often than not it scares me because I have a hard time believing that the contents inside can match. I’ve long been drawn to honest, to raw, to quirky. I love a challenge and learning new ways and new things and not being afraid to say I have no idea.
I don’t know if you should consider yourself warned or just buckle up for the ride. Either way, I really like you and I hope you want to come along!