What do you want most?

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There are some things I want really badly.  A legit family vacation before our oldest flies the coop.  Skin that doesn’t constantly break out.  Jeans that fit perfectly every time you put them on.

If you’re just learning that there are a few superficial qualities about me welcome to the party.

What do you want?

Someone to cook for you?  Clean your house?  A bit more money in the bank or some money in the bank at all?  To feel more stylish?  Have more confidence?  Sleep through the night for just once?

We all have our things, I’m sure of it.  Mine are different then yours and yours are different then the next persons but these things say a lot about what we value.

I value beauty.  Why?  I don’t know.  I know it’s fleeting and I know I’ll never look like the person in the magazine but when I get into a crowd of beautiful women (and you really are a bunch of beautiful women out there, you know that right?!)  I tend to feel lame.  Insecure about my make-up, the zit on my chin, why I chose to wear this ensemble and why, for the love, can I never put jewelry on!

I also value time with my family.  Why?  Because they’re awesome!  But also because I know my time with them is fleeting and the bigger they get the more independent they are and the less they come running to you know who.  They now say things like, “I’ve got this, Mom,”  or traipse around the house with their headphones on oblivious of their mama or anyone really.

Turns out the things we value get us into trouble.  Even if they’re good things!

Of course there’s nothing wrong with looking your best or planning events with your family.  Nothing at all!  Except when they take over your heart.  Except when looking your best becomes THE thing instead of a thing.  Or when family time becomes so important that you actually ruin it by all the expectation of the time you place on it.  (guilty as charged)

Anything can become a stumbling block to the idle factories of our churning hearts.

My kids love video games.  Like, love with a capital L.  I have 3 boys so this shouldn’t come as a shock.  I’ve also done everything in my power to limit them to what I deem a reasonable amount.  An amount that, according to them, is ridiculous compared to their friends.

Yeah, I said it.  “Well, I’m not their mother and as long as you live…..” blah blah blah.

We’ve found over the years that there’s pretty much only one thing that turns our children’s hearts into a place of deviousness.  Just one thing that turns their normally obedient selves into kids that are not so much.  There’s this one thing that can cause their hearts to stumble, to want to lie, to create scenarios to get it at the expense of honouring us, or to even convince themselves that they’re being truthful though deception lies closely at hand.

Of course, it’s the thing they want the most.

It shouldn’t shock me.  It’s always the things we want the most that cause us to want to break the rules.  Noone ever snuck a handful of spinach and crossed their fingers and hoped beyond hope that they’ll get away with it.

No.  We sneak the candy.  We play another level when we were supposed to turn it off.  We fudge the numbers on the budget to get that pair of shoes.  We go in to debt for the sake of creating memories.  We tell our spouse we’re heading off to work when we have another plan.  We hand our kids the ipad (again) so we can watch a movie in peace.  We take that thing from work that noone will ever notice.  We do nothing about the fact that they mischarged us on our bill (unless it’s not in our favour!)  We talk ourselves up as good and righteous and all the things everyone wants us to be even though in our hearts we know our words don’t match the truth of our actions.

There are things that we all want most and we’re willing to do what it takes to get them.  There’s no sense in trying to deny to myself that this is true.  Our hearts are places of the greatest love but also the place of our deepest faults.

What do we want?  What are we most trying to get?  Pleasure.  Satisfaction.  Reputation.  Status.

There is a better goal.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Lead me in the way everlasting.

 

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