Faith like a grown-up

Sometimes I believe God is up in heaven just sitting back and watching me get all frantic with the worries of this world and he’s doing one of two things;  he’s either shaking his head and muttering things like, “is she ever going to get it?”  or he’s just laughing.  A great big, from the gut, belly laugh.  Because I deserve to be laughed at.  You know I do.

So my boy is going to Ireland.  This will be 3 weeks longer than he’s ever been away from us before.  This will involve flight times that I have yet to experience.  This will involve layovers in places I’ve never been.

I thought I would be a smidge jealous but I’ll tell you what.  If you think it’s super exciting to be heading away on something huge yourself, it’s even MORE exciting to send someone on that journey and be a part of them being able to go.  Exhilerating, really.  In fact, I’d rather him go than me and I wouldn’t trade places for anything.  I’m just SO excited for him!

We’ve placed a little parental challenge on the boy in terms of, “this is a lot of money and we’re not footing the whole bill, mister.”  But he’s only 13 and since we don’t believe in child labour practices (at least outside the home!) he doesn’t have a lot of ways to raise money.  When he asked how he could do it we threw out a few ideas.  Asking people to donate their bottles and cans.  Having a little saturday afternoon carwash.  Oh, and how about praying.  God knows what you need so why don’t you ask him for it.

So he did.  No big deal.  He knows the drill and he walks in unquestioning faith and he truly believes with all his heart that this will just all work out cause God is in it.  So how could it not?

I love that about him.  I marvel at it in him as I’m watching him.  I think that we could all use a bit of what he’s got.

Meanwhile, back in grown up land…

It’s been weeks of layoffs at the studio my husband works for.  It’s not the end of the world, by any means, but there have been weeks that it’s felt like it.  Days of texts that read something like, “Did you get the call yet?”  Meaning, the one in to have a little chat with HR.

Week after week he’s been fine.

We’ve walked hard work roads before.  We’ve walked no work roads.  We’ve walked how-are-we-suppose-to-buy-groceries roads.  We’ve walked instability and unaware.

We are thankful every single day that he has work and we’re thankful for every day that he hasn’t been called into that office to be given notice.  But then he did come home one day last week and let me know that for the month of June everyone is working 4 day weeks.  Fridays off for all in one of the most gorgeous months of the year.

I’m sure some wives celebrated!  Some wives breathed sighs of relief to have husband present an extra day a week!  Our kids cheered that daddy could drive them to school.

But this wife?  This wife panicked.

But we just bought a house and we don’t even know what all the bills will be.  And we just bought a couch that hasn’t even arrived yet.  Maybe we should cancel that.  Yes, I’ll call right now and cancel the couch.  And we just bought a plane ticket to Ireland.  How are we going to pay for all this?  I guess I’ll work an extra day at work and maybe you can pick up a side job for those fridays.  Y’know, maybe do some construction or something.  Pressure wash driveways?  Collect pop cans?  We’re all gonna die!!!!!!

You think I’m kidding.

I didn’t even mention the tears yet.

And this is when I realize that God is having a good old belly laugh at my expense.  (Not really, he’s not like that.  But I would understand if he pulled an exception to the rule on me here.)  Here I am telling my son that he needs to raise some money and giving him ways to go about it.  I’m counselling him in the ways of provision.  I’m telling him to pray.  I’m telling him that if he’s suppose to go he will be provided for.  I’m telling him to have faith and trust and to work hard and pray hard and then pray even harder and then leave it in the hands of God almighty.

While he’s doing all of this I’m standing back and watching with a smug grin that says something like, “That’s my boy!” and my eyes are becoming a bit moist as I watch him walk in faith.  Ah, we’ve raised him well….

Meanwhile back in grownup land….

Remember my panic about our own financial er….setback, at best?  Barely even a hardship but more like a, let’s be careful this month.  Right.

Guess what I wasn’t doing.

FOLLOWING MY OWN STINKIN’ ADVICE!!

Because it didn’t bring me to my knees, no it had me in a frenzy.  And I didn’t walk forward in faith but rather set out into “how can I best take control of this situation” mode.  I grabbed every piece of the puzzle I could and I started moving and planning and picking up pieces and rearranging them instead of just stopping and laying them down and saying something along the lines of, “He’s got this.”

It wasn’t until a true friend, like the kind that will laugh at your stupidity, piped up and said something along the lines of, “I love this!  It’s a faith stretcher!  It’s perfect for you!”

Uh….thanks.

But she was right.  Because I could learn a thing or two from my boy.  From the way he’s taking his needs to Christ and trusting that He will take care of him, no matter what that looks like.  He isn’t worrying or panicking or making it his life’s work to make this work.

Faith like a child.  It’s good to be reminded of it now and again.

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