When Girls Enter the Equation

It started!  You guys, it seriously just started!  I didn’t know it would happen so soon but it did.  And it was inevitable.  And, well, here we are.

I’m talking about having 3 boys and having girls get in the way.

Now, I mean that in the most loving sense of the word because I’m a girl and I was the one to get in the way  of a relationship or two between friends.  Because as a girl who liked a boy, I wanted all of his attention.  And of course, if the boy liked me back then he would want to give me attention and not really worry about his buddies anymore because I’m the important one here, amiright?!

So my boy came home dejected.  As he relayed the story he even got a bit teary.  What happened?  A girl.  THAT’s what happened!

Suddenly his bestie didn’t want to play with him at lunch.  Didn’t want to wander and hang out and chat like they do every single lunch hour.  No, suddenly his bestie was going to go hang out with HER.  And you know what, Mom?  They didn’t want me around!

Shocking.

I started taking my munchkins side and proclaiming that it wasn’t very nice of his friend but as I was speaking the words I started thinking about what I was actually saying.

I wanted to tell my boy that his friend was very mean and clearly didn’t value their relationship and how dare he just snub you like that with both his actions and his words.  I mean, c’mon – “Quit bothering us?!”  That’s just downright rude!

But then I remembered what it was like.  I remembered what it was like to be the girl who had butterflies in her tummy over the boy.  I remember what it felt like to walk around at lunch with the boy and how great it felt to have all of his attention.  I realized I had never given one second of thought as to what the boy did in his lunch hours before me.  I never worried that his friends might feel ditched or abandoned or that we might even be treating them completely rudely.

Nope.  None of that.

All I thought about was me.  And the boy.  And me and the boy.

So I stopped myself.  I was thoroughly unprepared for this conversation so I just tackled it from the top of my head and let my thoughts roll out.  I admit it’s not the best way but some days you’ve just got to roll with it.

I mentioned that of course it sucks that you’re feeling ditched by your bestie.  Of course it hurts that he’s found someone else that he wants to spend his time with.  But this is different.  This isn’t him just finding someone who’s more fun to play soccer with.  This is a GIRL!  And Girls are different.  And they’ll come between you and friends if you let them.  And it’ll likely happen over and over in your life – this is just the first time!

He looked at me with eyes that said, “Are you serious, Mom?”  And attitude that stated, “Aren’t you suppose to be making me feel better?  You’re telling me that this is going to keep going on my whole life?”

So I did what any unprepared mom would do.  I shrugged and said, “Yup!”

Cause we remember being the girl that got in the way of the boys, right?  And we didn’t really care how his best friend felt, we loved that the focus was now on us, right?  And we never uttered words like, “Maybe you should go hang out with your friends so you don’t hurt their feelings,” right?

Or maybe that was just me…

It’s moments like this that I feel for my boys.  That I realize that I haven’t thought this whole parenting thing through to completion and I don’t have all the answers and the what to expect books don’t forewarn you on this stuff!  Sure, I knew what fruit you were the size of every single week in utero but this stuff?  Girl stuff?  This stuff isn’t taught in books.

It made me realize that I need to teach this stuff before they’re the ones ditching their friends for the girl.  That it’s important to know that it’s coming and that it doesn’t have to be this way.  You can spend time with both.  In fact, it’s important that you don’t ditch one for the other but keep up the relationships you have even while fostering new ones.

But I have no expertise in this area so really, I’m just blathering on and on to get to the point and that is to ask you  for help.  What have you taught your boys about this?  If anything at all.  If you have boys older than mine, is this inevitable?  Was I right?  Will it just keep happening?

Share your wisdom with me, friends!  I need it!

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5 thoughts on “When Girls Enter the Equation

  1. oh MAN. I hope Oli will teach his sisters the ways – beauty of being close in age and mixed genders, no? But that’s just me wanting to be off the hook ’cause this seems HARD. and I was SO that girl. Coming between friends. Wanting to date best friends of ex boyfriends and not getting why that was “weird” for them… oh man. girls are CRA CRA. but I also love that as a mama of boys you still remember what it’s like to be a GIRL, because many just side with their boys always and think/say “girls are evil!” and it’s like hellllllllllllllllllooooo… you’re one mamabear.
    that’s all 🙂

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  2. Oli might teach his sisters the ways but I’m pretty sure his sisters friends will also have massive crushes on him! With those blonde curly locks! Oh, and his sisters might just like HIS friends hanging around too! Not that I’d know…..

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  3. Doesn’t this go two ways though, girls totally ditch their girlfriends for boys?! I recall that happening a lot.

    I highly recommend going the route of being friends with boys and girls (and not pursuing dating) through middle and high school. As I think it personally saved me a LOT of pain.

    But as Christians, ought we not to teach our kids that the male-female relationship is a unique one, and that one day (when they’re 35 right?!) it should be that a man spend at least less time with his pals to pursue a woman?

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  4. You raise a fantastic point, Jenny! One that I truly hadn’t thought of in this situation. Of course when our boys are 35 we don’t want them in track suits, playing video games with their pals while they’re wives are left alone.
    That didn’t even enter my mind at this point. I was thinking along the lines of the boys who lose all their friends for the girl and then have nothing when they break up with her 6 months later.
    I agree with the not dating through middle school and high (if we can help it!) but considering I started dating the love of my life at 16, I’m not sure they’ll believe me that it’s better to hold off.
    In our home we talk about when it’s appropriate to date and when it’s not. If you don’t have a job to pay for her meal or a car to get her there? Not a date.
    But I could go on and on about that and is probably best saved for a post of it’s own!
    Thanks for making me think, Jenny! Love your wisdom.

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