I’ve come back to write this post 3 times and I’m stuck.
3 times I’ve deleted words. At first just a few and now, all 800.
I was going to say something along the lines of, I think I have writers block because all of the incessant packing and wiping and cleaning out drawers takes it’s toll on creativity. But that would be a lie.
What would be honest would be to say that all of the incessant packing and wiping and cleaning out drawers has taken a toll on my time spent in worship and THAT has taken a toll on creativity.
When I’m not spending time with Him who is the designer of all, with Him who is the most creative of all, well, I just have nothing really to say.
When I’m not soaking in He who inspires, He who challenges and He who sustains all that I am, well, my words just feel flat.
When I’m not standing in awe of He who is awe-worthy the world just looks a little less awe-some and when I’m not breathing love then everything is just not quite as love-ly.
So I was going to write about how in four sleeps we’re moving out of my childhood home and this time for the last time. I was going to reminisce about how my brothers and I did sneaky things here (moving the trampoline close to the house so we could jump off the roof onto it when my parents weren’t home!) and how I got ready for my first date with my husband here and how we’ve now raised our littles here and how they’ve made my childhood neighbourhood their childhood neighbourhood and just how cool that is. I was going to talk about the swing my boys rigged up in the tree that I planted and how my dad helped them nail steps in it so they could climb just a little bit higher. I was going to mention some tears of teenage angst cried in my room and the many phases of hair I have rocked while under this roof.
But I’m not going to.
Instead I’m going to talk about Love. Because scripture says that a fool looks back and pines for the days past and I don’t want to be a fool. I want to be smart. My boys asked me tonight if I was smart enough to have a PhD and I laughed. So I’m not that smart but here’s what I do know: Rather than looking back on things that are now done, on times passed, on memories and holding onto them like they make us who we are, we need to only take what we’ve learned from these times and keep on keepin’ on.
What I’ve learned here, in this house that I’ve inhabited for a collective total of 17 years, is that love happened here.
It took on many forms, this love. It took on sharing and teaching and laughter. It took on nurturing and rebuking and rising to a challenge. It took on laying down selfish desires and it took on the form of patience. Very great patience. It took on tears and it came in the form of cooking. It took on quiet moments in the sunshine and arms simply wrapped around each other. It took on peace and reconciliation and it took on biting your tongue. Love, in this home, came in the form of many many people. It came as meals shared and stories told. It came in the form of babies being born and loved ones dying. Love came and touched us in the form of peace and amidst the chaos and love has shone brighter than any of the memories ever could.
So instead of holding on to the past, to this house and the memories it holds, I’m simply going to pocket the one thing I learned most here and I’m going to carry it with me to the next house and the next house and the house after that. I’m going to take love with me. I’m going to take it in the form of Jesus. I’m going to take it in knowing that He represents love and He does love and He IS love. I’m going to follow his example of love and I’m going to mirror it in our new home in the form of peace and patience and gentleness and kindness and goodness and self-control. I’m going to claim it as not being arrogant or rude or self-seeking but rather live in love and in so doing lay down my own selfish desires for the good of those around me.
That’s what I’ve learned while living amidst these walls and that’s all I need to take with me from them. No height markings on the wall could ever compare to that.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1John 4:7