The Spa-Party generation and why it has me on my knees.

I remember when I was just a little girl and my mom would come home with her nails all done so pretty.  I didn’t ever think much of it except for that it was a mom thing to do.  I don’t ever remember wanting to do the same for my nails but rather that this was something I had to look forward to ‘some day’.

Now, I’m not really a get your nails done type of girl.  I’ve had them done a few times in my life and about a week in I start picking at the polish or biting at the gels to get. them. off.

But the more I hear about spa parties for little girls and spa mommy/daughter dates the more I fear for my sons.  Not that I don’t think that time spent together is wonderful.  It is.  Or that getting glammed up every now and then is a bad thing.  It’s not.  And of course I’m not a mother to daughters so should I have one I might be doing just the same thing.  But because I’m a mama to sons, who will one day marry your daughters, I can’t help but wonder how on earth they will be able to keep up!

A few weeks ago I was strolling down Robson (a shopping district in our city) with some girl friends and I saw two mother’s and their 4 year old daughters in a store in front of a mirror.  The little girls were donning scarves and fancy shoes and little blazers that made me envious and of course cost more than anything I’ve ever owned.  As they looked in the mirror their mama’s coo’d and adjusted accessories and told them just how fashionable they looked.

I broke into a nervous sweat.

Because when my boys marry girls they will be girls that have been raised in the spa birthday party generation.  They will be girls who have been taken to the spa since they were 6 for pedicures and they will be girls who have been ga-ga’d over at their fashion sense.

So if my boys marry at 21 or 25 or 32 my question is how they will even possibly be able to provide for their wife.  If she’s use to being pampered regularly or given her worth by following the latest trends then all I can assume is that once she has a normal working husband she’ll only feel loss.

Now, don’t hear me wrong, I want my sons to dote on their future wives.  I want their wives to feel cherished and loved and even spoiled by them.  But what’s left for their husbands to give?  Private jets?  Weekends to Paris?  And what if he can’t…

I worry about the bar that’s being set.  I worry about how hard this will be for my boys.  I constantly tell them that we are not in competition with anyone and God has planned for us what He does and that’s the path we take.  It will look different for every single family.

I also know that it’s important for a new family dynamic to come into play when two are joined together.  That the ways of each extended family are now not the norm but new traditions and events and even ways to do things come into play.  I just hope that the daughters that have always had their nails perfect or eyelashes attached, should they marry someone who may still be in school or just starting a career, will understand.  That they won’t compare their new life with their old and be disappointed.  That their husband won’t feel constant pressure to provide all the things that her parents once did.  That she won’t be bitter that he doesn’t make as much or isn’t quite as established as her daddy was.  These things place pressure on a marriage.

I treasure the days of mismatched dishes.  Of living off of student loans and being excited that you got a couch, that was really a futon and so uncomfortable.  I cherish the times we had slippers at our front door because you couldn’t walk on our hardwood floors without a nail ripping a hole in your sock.  I think the days that we had to rent videos and eat Kraft Dinner instead of going to the movies and out for dinner were character building and I wouldn’t change what those years taught us for anything.

But will my boys wives feel the same way?  Will their parents have taught them that their worth does not come from trend keeping and looking magazine cover worthy and spending a fortune on being attended to?  Will they have taught her that she doesn’t always get everything that she wants right. now?  Will they have taught her that her worth is found in Christ and Him alone?  That she is beautiful because she is His image bearer?  That things of this earth are temporary and will flounder and fade?  Will they have?

Of course I don’t know but I pray.  I pray they will be teaching her these things right now in her life.  I pray that my sons will make wise decisions, as God fearing men, in who they marry.  I pray that their wives will be a constant source of love and encouragement and support and that my sons will be the same right back as well as protector and one who is willing to lay down his own life for hers.

It’s a strange thought that my oldest could only be as little as 7 years away from marrying.  It seems only right that we pray for him in this already, for his wife, for her parents and that God would and is being made much of in their lives.

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6 thoughts on “The Spa-Party generation and why it has me on my knees.

  1. Very interesting post! I’ve had many of the same thoughts over the last few years. As a mother to a son and daughter I pray for both of their future spouses. The boys these days may not be getting mani’s and pedi’s but may also be accustomed to the ‘have all do all’ mentality. Eek!

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  2. I get you and I hear you, but honestly I think it’s just your mama heart worrying 🙂

    There’s nothing new under the son, and women from our generation were spoiled by their mothers/parents too. Maybe in different ways, but the idea is the same: how will some 25 year old guy with student loans and an entry-level job be able to keep up? I know my own dad dealt with this when he married my mom for sure.

    If your boys marry good women, those women will probably have a rude awakening, and then adjust in time.

    I didn’t think I was spoiled growing up, and we were never wealthy, but it was still a shock entering married life since our jobs as campus missionaries paid so little and Brad is very wise with his money (ie not splurging on dumb things when we had student debt to pay off!). But after a good year I was totally on board, but it did take time. Growing pains, yaknow? But there was grace too 🙂

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  3. You know Rhonda, I was going to write something similar to emorrice. Remember the spoiled, high maintenance girls in school??? There will ALWAYS be some. There are even movies about them in the 1800s. I do agree that we are raising a particularly entitled generation (don’t get me started) but the fact is, your boys will either choose girls with a head on their shoulders or someone who is needy. If you raise them to understand what is important and how to work for what they want, they will probably choose someone similar. If that superficial stuff is important to the boys, they will choose likewise. You are doing AMAZING. You have wonderful boys with huge support and love around them. They have the best chance of all.

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  4. Just think of poor cousin Matthew trying to win Lady Mary in Downton Abbey season 1 😉 or Sixteen Candles… Generation after generation…

    Oh and one more point: sanctification is SLOW. I would have been called a “mature believer” when i got married but having less and spending nothing was still a shock… The Lord worked and now I love our life and have no problem with our financial limitations… But it took time. Newlywed me wouldn’t recognise 5-years-in me 🙂 Praise God!

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  5. I would definitely agree with the comments here. As parents we really do struggle with knowing or trusting that our kiddos will be looking for the well-balanced, wise individuals we really pray they end up with. I have two of each gender and I worry about some of those things as well but over the last few years of watching my own siblings marry and maybe choose differently than my parents had hoped I also recognize that God is at work even if it looks different than our human expectation.

    As a woman I also feel there is a place for the exploration of our feminine side and choose to help my daughters see that. We don’t indulge extravagantly by any stretch of the imagination (as you have obviously witnessed some mothers do with their daughters) but I want them to see that God has created them to be different than their male counterparts and part of that is to enjoy some of the girly things. My motto in life is all about moderation…even in areas such as this I think moderately participating is acceptable and allows expression of who we are.

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  6. You guys rock! I love each and every one of your comments for their similarities (I’m crazy, they’ll be fine, this is the world – in a nutshell) but also for their unique perspectives!
    Kori, you’re so right. Boys have their own set of issues to deal with and I just hope I’m preparing them the best I can. But I can’t teach them everything. Sometimes they just need to learn on their own.
    Em, I love your quote that “there’s nothing new under the sun.” I think of this often but didn’t in this situation. You’re so right. We’re not reinventing the wheel with parenting. It’s been done for generations previous and will keep going for generations after.
    Oh, and poor Matthew Crawley! I had thought of him as I was writing this! Can you imagine keeping up with Lady Mary? (I hope you read their names with an accent because that’s how I imagined saying them!)
    Carm, thank you, THANK YOU for the encouragement. We just all need it sometimes, don’t we? I think you are an amazing mama and I truly value your perspectives in parenting because I know you are so intentional in all you do. And you’re right – no matter who the boys marry they have support abounding in their life and that can make all the difference.
    Elise, I totally agree! And I’m not downing girls getting their nails done, but I’m sure you know that! It is important to let them be girlie and explore that part of who they are and of course we WANT our girls to be feel loved and special so they aren’t seeking to fulfill that void with boys! Moderation is key. Isn’t it so true.

    Bottom line is I think I just panicked for a sec! ha ha

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