I just want my life to be stable.
These are the words I spoke to my brother sitting outside at Starbucks when I was 20 years old and planning on marrying his best friend.
It’s funny how life has a way with you. How the, “I need’s” seem to fade into “I’d be okay with” and then morph even further into something more like, “are you kidding me’s?”
And so it is.
My great life of stability that I’d had planned with my beau. Our pending wedding and his career and how many children we would have and how I just wanted to live in one home and raise children there and make memories and carve their initials on the tree in the back and measure their heights on the wall. That kind of stable.
Since we’ve been married we have moved 6 times plus 2 little that-place-isn’t-ready-for-you-yet-so-stay-here-for-a-month-or-two stints. That’s a grand total of 8 moves. In 15 years. Not exactly what you’d call stable.
In that time my dear husband has worked for 6 different companies with 3 of those being in not even remotely connected industries.
Of course it’s not surprising that even now his work is contract based. Never sure from contract to contract if he will have work. I can hear the chuckles of God almighty in my ears. I can hear him saying, “You want stable? You think you need stable? You think that’s what’s going to bring you happiness? How ’bout not!”
And you know what? He’s right.
The one thing I wanted, needed, had to have was the very thing that hasn’t been given to me.
This is where I could get mad and question God and doubt His love for me but the truth of it is, I trust Him. And my life? Well, it’s never been boring I can assure you that.
So my kids don’t have ‘that house’ that they grew up in but rather have half a dozen places to remember. And for a long time whenever we crossed the border and they asked what my husband does for work I would stumble because I wasn’t always sure what exactly he was doing at that time. As much as this would have freaked me out if you had told me before we were married that this is how it was going to be, I don’t have one second of doubt or regret that this is exactly how it was suppose to be.
Because you know the one thing that we’ve had in every single place that we’ve moved? We’ve had faith and trust and prayer and God with us. And each time my husband changed companies or career paths altogether do you know what there’s been? Faith and trust and prayer and God with us.
So now as we prepare for another move, number 9 respectively, (oh, did I mention that we’re moving in a month? Well, we are!) we don’t fear what’s to come. We don’t question whether this was a good move or bad move. We don’t worry if we’ve done the right or the wrong thing. Because we know that wherever we go and whatever we do, He is with us. Through thick and thin, lessons and joy, he’s there.
When I hear people talk of being bored, tired of living in the same place their whole life I get just a bit envious, I admit. But I know without a doubt that wasn’t what God had planned for this little family.
We’re movers, changers, God following, holy spirit led wanderers of this earth. He opens doors and we just walk right on through ’em and we know that we can’t go wrong because He’s near.
So we have one month to pack up this place where we’ve only lived for 3 years! And while we hope we know where we’re going that deal isn’t done yet so we’re still not sure.
Someone asked today how our boys handle it. Well, they know what this life is about. They know that it doesn’t matter where we live, what’s important is that we’re in God’s will. So they don’t even come see the next house. They’re more of the, “just tell us where to go and we’ll be there,” kind of kids. An example I’d like to believe they learned from us and our relationship with Christ. Just tell us where to go and we’ll be there.
My middle boy asked me today if the house we’re trying to buy is the perfect one. No, I said. It’s not. Because as long as we’re on this earth there is no perfect house. Our perfect house, our stable one, the one we’ll never have to leave is awaiting us in heaven. But we’re not there yet. So until that time, this one will be second best. At least for now.