If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s mommy-wars. Oh, don’t pretend that you don’t know what they are. And if you truly don’t know what they are, you might be the one we’re all talking about wishing they’d just get over themselves already. Just sayin’…
I’ve always been, what I have dubbed, a ‘faith either way’ girl. Meaning, there are a bazillion ways on this planet to do things, many of them not being right or wrong or better than another – just different and I often ask people how they do things just to get the why factor, not start a debate. For example, if you homeschool I don’t think you’re any better than those who send their kids to public school or private school or fine arts school. But you’re not any lesser either. Point being, I don’t really care how you’ve decided to give your kids an education, what I care about is the why! Why did you choose private school over public? What research did you do to inform your decision to homeschool? What made you choose french immersion over the arts? I’m just looking for informed responses!
It comes up time and again in mommy circles. The homeschooling vs. public school. The immunizations vs. not. The hiding veggies in their food vs. being honest about what they’re eating. The family bed vs. each child having their own room. The family dinner table time vs. family time in front of the tv. The no video games during the week vs. no video games on the weekend. The list is infinite really, when it comes to the choices that we make each day for our kids, but here’s the thing – we’re making decisions for OUR KIDS, not for the worlds kids! Can we remember that?
I’m a curious nature because I’ve learned over time that asking lots of questions gets you lots of information and people out there? Well, they’re chalk full of information and most of them are more than happy to share their point of view. I’ll admit it, we all kind of like our own point of view and most of us have come to the conclusions we have through much reading, watching, asking and praying so we’re happy to enlighten others of our learnings. Most often we want them to agree with us though and that’s where the battles come in.
Many years ago I was smacked right across the head with a truth that hit me so blatantly I felt physically wounded by it. Like, you may as well just smacked me right between the eyes with a two by four. But sometimes it takes those brutal moments to make us see, doesn’t it? Or maybe I’m the only one with a skull as thick as a brick!
The words were said to me and I heard them loud and clear. We make idols of our own opinions. *smack* We think that our ways are THE way and in so doing we hold them as lofty and high. *wham* God truly doesn’t care if you use cloth diapers or disposables and making that a stake to die on is not okay. *duck and dodge*
Okay! I get it!
Have you ever considered the opinions you have on things and whether you’re placing them in a position of importance above God himself? Have you ever thought, pridefully, that your ways were better and in so doing looked down upon those who don’t do things the same way you do? I have. A lot.
What I’ve learned, though, is that it’s gotta be faith either way when it comes to parenting our children in things that are not black and white or blatantly right or wrong. So if I choose to immunize my child because I’ve researched it and prayed about it and I feel it best for my family then I’d better trust that God is in those immunizations and if my child is fine, praise Jesus and if he develops autism because of them, praise Jesus because that was his plan for this child, for my family all along. Faith either way.
On the flip side, if I choose not to immunize my child because I’ve researched it and prayed about it and feel it best for my child and family then I had also better trust God without those immunizations! If my children are perfectly healthy, praise Jesus! And if they contract the mumps because they weren’t immunized, praise Jesus because that was his plan for this child, for my family all along. Faith either way. Get it?
Of course we make mistakes and we may change our minds on things along the way or gain new information that informs a new decision or just realized we were wrong and adjust. But God is in that too. He teaches us and guides us every single day and the question is really are we humble enough to listen? Are we willing to hear others perspectives and not feel threatened by them but rather to encourage and love them through it even though our thoughts for our children may be different? Or do we sit back in judgement proclaiming that homeschool kids are weird or putting your kids in public school is like throwing them to the wolves. Do we call people radical or alternative or downright crazy based on their well-intentioned, well-researched, well-thought out but just different than our opinions?
Enough. Enough! Okay?
It’s a hard game this parenting kick and I would bet my life that none of us feels like we’ve got it all figured out. Most days I’m battling just to stay in the game! So can we give up the idols of our own opinions? Can we stop the looks that the mom who chooses disposables gets in the circle of cloth diaperer’s? There’s no room for judgement in the kingdom and there’s no room for it here in this place of things that really don’t matter but are just one family’s way, one family’s idea, one family’s opinion.
opinion: n. a belief or judgement that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty
Even the dictionary shows that your thoughts are not better than mine and my opinions not better than yours because of what they are by their very nature. Not fact. Insufficient evidence to provide certainty.
I’m begging you mommy’s to give up the wars. Give up the agendas. Give up the I’m better than you attitudes for the ways you choose to operate. I’m quite certain that the child eating oreos is gonna be just fine. I’ve survived this far and I grew up on kool-aid! Kale is not our saviour. Jesus is. Let’s make sure that the things we’re fighting for are worth the fight. Capiche?
**and in the spirit of bringing us together instead of apart – don’t forget to go and enter my first giveaway for some delicious tea from Karla’s teas. Giveaway will close Wednesday at Midnight so get your entries in before then.