I needed you to know {an explanation}

I’ve never been a great talker.  As in, let me share my feelings with you right now and in the moment as I’m drudging and sorting through them.  The main reason, I surmise, is that in order to be a great talker you must be vulnerable before the people to whom you are talking.  Reason number two, piggybacking on reason one, is that being vulnerable is pretty scary.  Like, I’m going to tell you something and you might think I’m weird, kinda scary.  Or, if I tell you this and you look at me with that look I’m going to cry kinda scary.  Or, pretty pretty please don’t laugh or judge or shame me when I tell you what I’m about to tell you or it’s likely I may never speak again in my life, kinda scary.

In another realm, sharing life when you feel like you don’t have it all figured out is a manifestation of our pride.  Why would we want to tell people something when it may make us look bad?  Confused?  Or broken?  Noone wanting to look like they’ve got it all together is ever going to go there.  Right?

I would suggest that all of these are valid reasons to keep feelings bottled up inside.  Shoved down deep.  C’mon, just plaster on that shiny, happy face and forget with the feeling because who would want to go through all of those emotions?  Not I, dear friends, not I.

Problem is, not talking means that the people around you don’t know what you’re thinking.  (I know, crazy talk, right?)  Why on earth we couldn’t be created to read minds is beyond me.  It means that husbands would always just know and parents would just get it and friends would understand and children would know that they’re nearing that line that is about to make you explode all over their chubby little faces!

But we weren’t created that way.  We were created for relationship.  For community.  For each other and for Christ.  I know this is truth because even the Father God, His son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit  have relationship with each other.  I also know this is truth because God calls us into relationship with himself.  He tells us to come to him, to ask, to pray, to lay our anxieties on Him and to call out his name.  So it only makes sense that we were created for relationship as well.

I’ve only, in the last number of years of my life, learned this a bit better.  I can’t say I’ve learned it well.  A bit better will have to suffice for now.  I’ve learned that if I need something,  I need to ask.  I’ve learned that if I want someone to know something, I need to tell them.  And you know what?  I’ve learned that if you surround yourself with good people and build good relationship then the needing or the asking isn’t so hard.  And if you have people who know you and love you then they don’t look at you like you’re crazy but rather nod thoughtfully.  They don’t furrow their brows and shame you for your position, they ask questions and gently work it out with you.  Sure, there may be times that they laugh right out loud at you but which of us doesn’t need that now and again?  And if you have relationship with them, you know that they’re laughing because they love you and they want your best.  Not to harm you.

I needed you to know is something I’m going to try out.  A series of posts where, on the looking back, I wish I would have said something, told someone, asked.  In the hopes that if some of you out there are in the same position it can be an encouragement to find someone to talk to.  Share with.  Help.

I don’t know how this is going to go or how often they’ll be up – like the rest of this blog it will be a journey. Wanna come along?


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