12 years plus nine months ago you rocked our world before we even knew that you would be you. You were determined right from the start. A statistic. That .01% you read about on the package of a birth control package. 99.9 % effective? You didn’t care. You were entering our lives whether we were ready for it or not!
2 secretive pregnancy tests plus one week of secretive tears later, I shared the news. Through more tears. Daddy was thrilled! And scared, but that didn’t show because my fear won out on his and he had to be the strong one!
I took me a good 8 1/2 months to not be terrified at the thought of having you, but had I known you, had a glimmer at what you were going to be like, I wouldn’t have been scared at all.
You were a near perfect baby. I knew this the first night that we brought you home from the hospital. We had no intention of being co-sleepers at all. The nursery was complete and your crib was ready for you but suddenly that first night you seemed so little. So helpless. So not ready for a big crib! So I tried to snuggle you to sleep with us. You fought me like you still do 🙂 You would not sleep in my arms and exhausted I laid you in your own room in your big crib and you fell sound asleep. Perfection.
You have taught us more than we could have ever imagined! You showed us a new part of who we were made to be. You have fulfilled us, worn us out, made us laugh, sanctified us. You make me think deeper about what I believe, you call me out on my own sin, you show me both the beautiful and the ugly parts of who I am.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that we have made monumental mistakes along the way. I apologize to you for these all the time. It’s a tough role, being the oldest. You’re our trial run. Our beta version. We expect more. Allow less. We know. But it’s because we love you so. SO. much.
You are a logical thinker. A justice seeker. Ridiculously creative and sometimes just ridiculous. You question things that shouldn’t be questioned which makes me answer things I never knew I’d have to answer. You need truth. You don’t understand evil and yet you understand sin and so we work these out together. Your heart understands promptings and when you need to do what you need to do. You will never easily give in to authority but you like to be an authority. From day one you’ve been an unexcitable child. You like attention, but not too much. You are comfortable in your own skin. You are not afraid to speak your mind. You are not easily swayed in your beliefs. You couldn’t really care less what people think of you. You are who God made you to be. You get that. More deeply than I get that.
For these things I respect you. Because I’m your mama I love you. For your silly antics I enjoy you. For your convictions I am proud of you.
Happy Birthday, Owen.