Dare I ask?

So, it’s 2011 now.  I’m pretty sure you are all fully aware of that because there was that night when everyone stayed up very late and yelled Happy New Year at the stroke of 12.

In case you missed it – it’s now 2011.  You’re welcome.

I rang in the year in a most uneventful fashion.   At 11:30 I crawled into bed.  At 12:01 I awoke to a boom.  There were fireworks going off outside our hotel window from the castle of Disneyland.  I rolled over and went back to sleep.

In the days since then I’ve been thinking about resolutions.  I’ve tried to avoid it but on everyone’s blog it’s what the talk is and so I’ve been mulling over in my head just what my resolutions for the year might be.  In reminiscent fashion I went back and read my New Year’s posts from the past 2 years.  You can catch them here and here, if you’re so inclined.

I set some goals those years.  I don’t really know if I followed through with them fully.  But that won’t stop me from setting more this year.  I say if we don’t aim for something we’ll never get anywhere!  So I’ll keep trying and (probably) failing but at least I’m trying!

To be perfectly honest my heart grows somewhat heavy as I think of what 2011 might hold.  With good reason, I think.  The last line in my post for 2010 was along the lines of “bring on 2010.  I’m ready for you!”  I thought I was ready.  But I wasn’t.  If only I had known what 2010 would bring I would have said something more like, “halt 2010!  I command you to stop right now.  Do not proceed further.  Do not pass go and do not collect two hundred dollars!”

2010 wouldn’t have listened.  But I would have tried.

So I’m a little less gung-ho for 2011.  I’m not ready for it.  I fear a little bit what it might bring.

Of course this is my human heart speaking.  I know that 2010 was fully ordained by a loving and sovereign God.  I know that His plan is best and I trust that completely.  I’m trying to rest in that.  Though at times my mind gets the better of me.

So this New Years I make no bold statements.  I have no great plans.  What I do have is a knowledge that last year I asked God to grow me in faith and in love.  These things I know He has done.  In 2011, I reluctantly and a bit hesitantly ask for more of the same.  Knowing that these things are not grown easily or without trials.  To faith and love, this year I add strength and patience.  I need strength to endure each day.  Each day of being a wife.  Each day of being a mother.  Each day I head to work.  Each day I encounter judgement.  Each day I feel incompetent.  Each day I’m overwhelmed.  Each day when the laundry pile seems bigger than I can get through.  Each day when there is someone who needs me to listen when I want to talk.  Each day when my way seems so much better than everyone else’s.

Also, on a very unprofound note, because this year marks my 34th year of life I have chosen Psalm 34 as the passage on which to meditate all year.

2011.  I entered your days sleeping.  Be it resolved that I leave them more awake and alive to what Christ has for me.



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